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1. Well, very interesting you should offer this topic, i had a family visit, and found tons on resentment coming up, and releasing it is so difficult! It’s good to know that only when you can feel anger do you really love the person, I like that … thanks for offering this, will look forward to hear what others are saying here… thanks Aleta!

   by Tim Jul 26, 02:15 PM

2. Great idea Thank you for the invitation!

   by Maryann Jul 26, 03:00 PM

3. I have been working on “forgiveness” with my current employer for the past few months-I simply can’t get past the anger and the pain…I have tried everything…and financially, can’t stay at this job anymore..

   by vicki herschman Jul 26, 03:09 PM

4. what helps me re forgiveness is to remember that I’m the one who’s bogged down and hurt by hanging on to resentment, NOT the person who I feel hurt me … its like my taking poison hoping it will hurt someone else, it just doesnt work…

   by Tim Jul 26, 03:20 PM

5. My problem is after I’ve discussed the issues with the person, the behavior keeps reoccuring.
   How many times can I forgive?

   Thanks Aleta for this blog.

   by suzie Jul 26, 03:48 PM

6. I know how you feel suzie, but i think forgiveness isnt about the other person, its kind of waking up the fact that non forgiveness only hurts yourself, and when you want to stop suffering, you in your own best interest, see that its a gift youre giving yourself, to let go of the person, know they did their best at the time, etc., which I do think is true … i heard some podcast about “radical forgiveness’ maybe do a search on Google about it…

   by Mitch Jul 26, 05:13 PM

7. I agree, its great to have a place online to go and share ideas with others who ‘get it’ so will be back a bit later!

   by Mitch Jul 26, 05:32 PM

8. The sadness and anger that I feel weighs heavy on my mind and heart. It’s urgency captures my attention with no regards to my desire to live in the present moment. I want to forgive myself for being naive and eager to please. In my past, I did not protect myself and I am now living the consequences of a betrayal done by a person I once trusted. It has affected me emotionaly, financialy and physicaly. I am on a quest to forgive myself and the other person but at this time, please pray that I am gentle with myself in this process. I desire to be free from the pain. I want to forgive myself but something inside of me wants to hold on to the pain.

   by Janet Jul 26, 06:36 PM

9. Hi Janet, being gentle with yourself can be hard, i understand for sure… Id say try to stay in the present moment as much as possible, and find things to appreciate, no matter how small, can shift things around quickly sometimes…. and negative payoffs can be very enticing, too … its good that you can recognize that, for sure good awareness…

   by Tim Jul 26, 07:43 PM

10. Well, I don’t think this is a coincidence finding this page, so part of me wants to comment, but… it’s so hard…
    Maybe the main feeling I’m feeling is embarrassment between myself and my sister and our mutual Facebook friends from our hometown. Lately, FB shows friends’ of friends’ comments and my sister did not like it a bit that I clicked “like” on my business FB friend whom my sister doesn’t know. I really don’t know this biz friend either except I felt I could learn from her and needed to surround myself with like-minded people. I get a lot of negative comments not approving of my dreams so it has helped reading posts of “business” friends. She used so much needless energy to go out of her way to “friend” this person she didn’t know and then posted a negative comment directed towards me. I didn’t even comment, just clicked the “like” button. We have been raised not to hold a grudge and never burn bridges. In all my 50+ years, I’ve not had such a hard time as I have with this. I blew up at my sister and then noticed she deactivated her FB acct. We did make up with me initiating it—it was so painful to be in a fight. After a month she is back on (today) and I read on her wall that she originally announced it to everyone she was deactivating due to “close relationship problems”… & reading the subsequent posts of our friends concerned for her. In fact a few wrote to me concerned and I just said she was busy during summer… But,this has just opened up the wound again. I “friended” these people to get away so to speak for positive posts and still got clobbered and shook that my privacy has been intruded upon by my sister… what a bunch of drama, not even sure why I went on and on…

    by LB Jul 26, 10:05 PM

11. Hi LB, id say ‘let it go’ and dont feed the drama, but of course thats easier said than done! what can we do when others project their issues on to us? not much, but yeah forums like this might be better and more private to reach out and get support, FB is waaay too public for me…

    by Tim Jul 26, 10:36 PM

12. Dear Janet, somewhere in your past experiences, pain became confused with love. so this feeling of being betrayed and rejected and your inability to let it go does not only involve this person, it involves other experiences from your past. Ask yourself if I let go of the pain what am I afraid of and if hold on to the pain what is the payoff. And then listen to your answers and you will see why it is difficult to let go of the pain. You need to know that you can create love and trust and supportive healthy relationships in your life. There are many great books out there to help you. Wayne Dyer’s the Power of Intention, my book Life Shift: Let go and live Your Dream and Louise Hay’s You can Heal Your life and books by John Bradshaw. Work with these books. they will help you. And of course therapies, energy healing.. anything that would support you in loving yourself first. Remember the only one that can reject you is you in the long run. Good Luck, Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 27, 01:39 PM

13. The way I let go is to get in touch with what my body sensation is when I’m angry (i.e.,I can feel the acid in my stomach boiling). Then I check what emotion I’m feeling (i.e. resentment) and lastly what am I thinking (i.e. “I don’t trust you.”. Once I take my feelings apart I can see and feel the impact the “anger,” is having on me spiritually, physically and emotionally. If I go back and replace anger with understanding, my body, my emotions and my thoughts change, enabling me to look at the situation with a different perspective. The letting go creates a space for forgiveness.

    by Kathy Jul 27, 01:39 PM

14. Kathy what happens when you’ve learned to understand but it still doesn’t replace the hurt, loneliness? Part of my decision is hampered by fear of the unknown.

    Aleta I may need to go back and read your book again.
    I’m learning Reiki to see if I can help heal myself as well as others.

    LB there is no such thing as coincidence. I think Aleta was channeled to help us in this type of format.
    Thank you Aleta for listening.
    Suzie

    by suzie Jul 27, 03:43 PM

15. Having a difficult time forgiving my spouse and moving on after discovering him answering a personal ad in Jan 09 when I was 6 months pregnant with our 1st child. Read your book back in 2006 and had conflicting feelings about staying married to him then. A big part of me would like to end my marriage now since I can’t seem to forgive him and/or trust him again (previous history of infidelity as well) but I’m scared to be without my child for any period of time and don’t want her to come from a broken home. Need guidance to find peace and change in my own thoughts and behaviors. Thanks.

    by EF Jul 27, 08:12 PM

16. Forgiveness is a tricky concept, personally I do not believe we have the power to forgive, that belongs to the higher power, deity … whatever you call it. We can choose to forget any transgressions by another and with that either accept that person back into our lives or not.

    by KJS Jul 28, 02:15 AM

17. Dear LB, maybe something is going on with your sister that has nothing to do with you. Or issues from your childhood are surfacing in terms of sibling rivalry that is projected on to you and magnified in intensity in this situation. I would think back and see if there was an incident from long ago or something of this nature that rings true in your relationship with your sister and, at the appropriate time, discuss that with her and clear this up. You did mention that many of your mutual FB friends are from your hometown (where you grew up?) so maybe this is an opportunity to clear childhood issues up with her and to move your relationship forward in a more adult positive way. If she is not ready to discuss or address what is happening, then you just have to let it go and get on with your life. You did not do anything to create this situation. Many Blessings, Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 28, 10:26 AM

18. I think the real experience of forgiveness happens in the present moment, when I fully and completely live in the ‘now’ and realize that’s all there ever is, and the suffering Im feeling is truly all in my mind, and Im projecting it into the world around me … I always have the power to let it go, but not when Im living in the past or future … just a thought, this is a great discusssion, thanks Aleta!

    by Tim Jul 28, 11:23 AM

19. Dear EF, I can totally understand how hurt and shocked you must have felt when he was answering a personal ad when you were pregnant. But it sounds like he has infidelity issues which have nothing to do with you not being enough or not being amazing, as you are.

    What you need to look at is the quality of your relationship right now and how you are relating to each other. You should ask yourself if you are holding back and feeling resentful. If that is the case, then you are in an unhappy marriage and that has to be a toxic environment to live in, for everyone concerned. Because you chose to stay with him, it is very important that you need to let the hurt go. Maybe you can get into some marriage counseling and shift your relationship with him. Having children myself i understand that you want to keep things harmonious and together as a family.

    But because it is torturing you, you have to make the decision about working on loving yourself enough to let go of the rejection.
    In my work, I help many of my clients express their anger in a safe environment so they can actually get to what they are afraid of and then be able to move into forgiveness. So you should ask yourself, if I forgive him, what am I afraid of.
    Many Blessings,
    Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 29, 11:04 AM

20. Dear Vicki, I know this has been a long and painful process. Do you have any other options for another job? If not, and you have to stay there, I would suggest that you put the focus on loving yourself and off of the injustices you feel about your working situation, since those are not changing. So you can experience the quality of life from a different reality.
    If you focus on the injustices, then that is what the experience of your life is. However, as you know, the people that survived in the concentration camps or were prisoners of war under tremendous torture that survived, kept focusing on positive feelings of themselves and of their future. Many Blessings, Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 29, 11:08 AM

21. Dear Kathy, that is right on. And with that approach, you will probably live to be a very healthy 120 years! Love and Blessings, Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 29, 11:16 AM

22. Dear KJS, I think using your higher power is definitely the way to go but I believe that it is through our personality in our physical, emotional and mental bodies that we evolve in consciousness. So it is about bringing the spiritual energy into our third dimensional experience and working through that. That is why I believe and what other spiritual masters have said we have been incarnated into physical form. Love and Blessings, Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 29, 11:20 AM

23. Dear Suzie, at some point perhaps you need to let go of the relationship if it is too upsetting to you and you are not being heard. It no longer a matter of keeping on forgiving but also releasing the relationship. You need to honor yourself and sometimes that means choosing yourself and letting go of what is not working so you can live and make choices from a better place.

    Take a look at my Huffington Post Blog series on Choosing Yourself.. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aleta-st-james/be-your-own-chosen-one-fo_b_461926.html

    Many Blessings,
    Aleta

    by Aleta Jul 29, 11:25 AM

24. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cc12wtvbv0k

    by JT Jul 30, 04:35 PM

25. Aleta,
    Thanks for the advise. I’ll check out your series on Huffington post also.

    blessings and light
    suzie

    by suzie Aug 1, 04:23 PM

26. Greetings, all.
    This may, or may not, fit with the above trains of thought, but I need a glimmer of insight from others.
    I’ve spent my entire life forgiving and forgetting and moving on. Ok, maybe a little deep down resentment, but the recovery, the goal and the dream comes first.
    I’m the one who forgives all for all their foolishness and hurtful actions and loves them unconditionally. I give of my time and talents to charities, functions, causes, lost children, animals, and much, much more. It’s just who I am.
    Long, traumatic stories, but I’ve started over and reinvented, at last count, eight times. It could be more.
    I’m an international professional teacher and artist, which is great because I always have my creativity to fall back on and delve into when I need a release of expression—-not to mention, my art pays for all those disasters.
    Over the years, I’ve researched and read a multitude of subjects and beliefs. They are all wonderfully uplifting and helpful. Here’s the issue:
    As I age, the disasters keep piling up faster than I can deal with them. Every time I declare “NO MORE” I sit on my mountain, meditate, manifest, declare to the universe what I want and how it should be and set the goal for another “do over”.
    This week, Aleta, I reread your book, and others, and, as the sun rose I sat here and announced the plan and wishes just for the day. Halalujah! What a day! It was a great day.
    Sure enough, as expected, and as always is the case, immediately following accomplishment everything came crashing down around me.
    On top of everything else I’m dealing with, I now owe three times more than I made on that great day and the two other losses can never be made up.
    So, who do I forgive this time? The universe? Myself? The mechanic who said buying a brand new truck will be cheaper than fixing the one I have? That would be the easy part.
    Happiness and goals bring disaster and trauma. I’m so afraid of being happy and reaching a goal I hesitate to think of wanting.
    The last fifteen years have had the heartache coming faster and closer to the declaration or gain it is making my head spin. It seems I can barely get the thought of starting over out of my mouth or written on paper and WHAM! it’s over. I’m farther behind than I was while dealing with the other dozen disasters. This is out of control.
    After a lifetime of this, I’m tired, exhausted, and I cannot keep up. Forget forgiveness, reinventing and moving on, I’m having trouble just maintaining a status quo.
    There isn’t enough time in a month to sit quietly and figure out what to blame for all that transpires in my life, let alone offer forgiveness.
    Yes, I’ve heard that I am manifesting my own disasters because I expect them to follow happiness. Among others, I have degrees in psychology, years of marriage and personal counseling, a lifetime of metaphysical and life coach training and, Honey…..NOBODY is that masochistic to wish this lifestyle upon themselves!
    So, I put it out there for discussion. Forgive and forget and move on. How?
    There is barely enough left of me to drag myself out of bed in the morning and put in my sixteen hour day to meet the obligations of yesterday, let alone try to work on tomorrow.
    Hopes, dreams, goals, manifesting, business plan, forgiveness….heck, spell casting….IT ALL WORKS!! How do you stop the morning after disaster from swallowing up your lifeblood?
    I’m listening…….

    by Kathryn Aug 4, 08:00 AM

27. This is a great question and topic. Forgiveness for me is definitely not about forgetting, or saying “it didn’t matter”.
    But it is about acknowledging my own feelings about whatever “it was” very deeply, honoring them, and then doing whatever I need to do in the present.

    For me, forgiveness is about changing the “charge” or “trigger” that the event created in me, and really putting the pain in the past (whether recent or distant). This may or may not involve interaction with other people, and may or may not include the continuation of a friendship or relationship.

    Trickier for me is learning how to forgive myself for mistakes I have made.

    by Randi Stroh Aug 4, 06:25 PM

28. kathryn, one thought here.. i would check out Aleta’s new huff Post “Chosen One” challenge, my feeling is along with all the forgiveness you release in your life, might be great to release some built up disappointment, and negatives, too … i think its healthy… here’s the link…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aleta-st-james/dog-days-of-summer-chosen_b_670760.html

    thanks for sharing your post too, i think forgiveness is a psuedonym for ‘letting go’ and clearing your energy that might be attracting negatives to your experience, but that youre simply not aware of (we all deal with that, dont we?) … best of luck ..

    by Tim Aug 8, 07:43 PM

29. Dear Kathryn,

    Wow…first of all, forgiveness obviously doesn’t mean that all good things begin to happen in one’s life. In your life, I am very impressed by the amount of work you’ve done, and can totally understand your frustration when you feel like you are still stuck behind the 8 ball financially.

    In my book Life Shift: Let Go and Live Your Dream, I look at the four bodies, and I would say that there is a deep wound in the physical and emotional body that is still activated. It revolves around your ability to receive support, and positive outcomes for YOURSELF.

    SO what I’ve found in my own life over the years, is that until you shift at the core level, many times, it feels like you can’t move past a certain block. At this point, I can suggest working with the “Lion’s Gate” meditation (you can download it on this blog) and find an energy healer than can help you get to that core issue in your physical and emotional body.

    As I said, my deep sense is that this is about your ability to receive love, support and financial prosperity. If you’d like to work on this privately, by all means let me know. But I feel you need to work with someone who is a rock star on helping you shift this issue. I will hold your intention in my prayers and healing circle.

    by Aleta St. James Aug 12, 10:14 AM

30. Dear Randi,

    Isn’t that the truth! We are usually so hard on ourselves and we place the bar really high on our expectations of what we ‘should’ be, and achieve, and not only that, we ‘should’ do it all perfectly.

    Here’s a great affirmation I’d love to share with you: “I unconditionally love and accept myself, just the way I am, in all my magnificence.” Say it as many times as it feels necessary, this could be your new best friend!

    by Aleta St. James Aug 12, 10:17 AM

31. Thank you Tim and Aleta for your posts. I’ll go to the link and….amazingly enough….I just heard about the Lions Gate this morning. Must be a sign.
    Both your thoughts, suggestions and positive comments were greatly appreciated. Sure beats the “get over it” and “think positive thoughts” stuff I’ve gotten from others.
    Yes, there is reaffirmation work to be done. Appreciate a fresh approach of suggestions from others.
    Thanks.

    by Kathryn Aug 20, 03:55 PM

32. kathryn, so glad you came back, i hope you got the meditations and keep moving forward and expanding, you sound like such a kind spirit, you deserve to feel empowered and joyful every single day… be well…

    by Tim Aug 25, 07:03 PM

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